Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

I’m struggling with something I never thought I would struggle with, and I’m not really sure what to do about it.

Surely I’m not the only one having this conversation with their significant other…and you’d think as a collective whole we’d have figured out a sneaky and/or ingenious way around this impasse by now.

But I have not.

When do you make the transition into official Facebook couple status?

And what do you do when one of you wants to make that move, and the other doesn’t….but both of you are struggling to articulate why?

I’ve been seeing new boyfriend for about six months now. We met in early December at a Christmas party, where we got started talking because as I innocently crossed through the kitchen for another Coke Zero, one of the hosts, who was in the kitchen chatting with not-yet-boyfriend about cars, mentioned that I happen to own a really big truck.

I love my really big truck.

Not-yet-boyfriend also has a really big truck.

We started talking, and ended up heading out about the same time at the end of the night. I believe my final words as we headed to different ends of the cul de sac were “Add me on Facebook, if you want to…” and he said he would. As I was sitting in my big truck waiting for my windshield to defrost, he pulled up next to me in his big truck; because his big truck is a diesel (i.e. loud), I climbed up on the running board so we could talk, and that went on until 1 in the morning or so. When I finally got back into my big truck, it was nice and warm, with a fully defrosted windshield…

Not-yet-boyfriend and I became Facebook friends about ten minutes after that, and by the end of the next week had gone on a real datey-date. I drove home after it hoping he liked me as much as I liked him, because I knew I was screwed if he didn’t…

Lucky for me, he felt the same way. The next week, we had one more amazing date, shared a sweet first kiss at 2am, and then I got on a plane for London to spend Christmas with my best friend. My two-plus weeks in Britain were a series of Facebook conversations with then-pretty-much-boyfriend, and we shared a lot of things with each other in conversations where we talked about what went wrong before and what we really want out of life now that it’s taking a new course. I woke up every morning to youtube links of cute songs and emoticon smiley faces, and that was everything I wanted. So you might say Facebook really facilitated the first three weeks or so of our relationship ((thanks, Facebook)).

That was in December. Boyfriend and I have been pretty inseparable ever since. And because we’re both getting kind of old, we’ve skipped a lot of the drama I remember being part of starting a new relationship the last time I did it. We just talked about what we wanted, and moved forward from there. We don’t really fight as much as talk through things, and if we disagree, we sit down and try to figure out why. It’s refreshing and healthy, and all I could ask for.

And there have been challenges… Boyfriend just got divorced. I will be posting more about dating a divorced guy…for the most part, I find it has actually helped our relationship, because the experience has made him very aware of the consequences of not working through things, and if anything it has enhanced his natural propensity toward being very patient and understanding. I appreciate this.

We have only one impasse…

I’m ready to claim our relationship on the Facebook. I wasn’t when we started dating, and I assumed it would take some time before he was. There is something to be said, I think, for keeping some things private for a while.

But I’m ready now.

He isn’t.

And I cannot find a way out of this conundrum, because neither of us can really explain WHY we feel the way we do. I don’t want to feel like he’s hiding me. He doesn’t want to feel pressured. Who wins this one?

This came to a head for me last week, on boyfriend’s birthday when a random person (who is clearly not THAT good of a friend, or she would know this $#!%) posted on his timeline a message to the effect of “Have a great Birthday with that lovely wife of yours!”

We talked about it. He ended up deleting the post, but the bigger issue for me is…I’m awesome. Shouldn’t he WANT to correct this person, and inform people who don’t know that he does not have this wife, anymore….he has me?

I’ve met his whole family, and I consider that significant. Clearly, I’m important to him if he wants me to be involved with them. But at the same time, these are the people that will support, non-judgmentally, anything that makes him happy. Is he afraid of the judgment that might come with putting our relationship on Facebook? Is it too soon? How long do you wait?

At the bottom of all this, I realize I’m hurt because I feel like he isn’t taking my feelings seriously, and that is something we’ll need to address. But then I feel silly because….how worked up is it appropriate to get over Facebook??

For those of us old enough to remember life pre-Facebook, it seems a little strange that it has become this much of a defining factor in our daily existence. But it has, and if that changes the parameters of what my relationship looks like, maybe it’s time to re-evaluate and set some healthy boundaries on it. But I also think that if Facebook is going to be part of our lives, then it makes sense to try and be on the same page with what we put on there.

What I really don’t understand is that boyfriend claims he is fine with posting pictures, and with status updates, and even said it wouldn’t bother him if I posted on there in a status that he is my boyfriend…..so if that’s the case, why not just update it?? He can’t have it both ways…Facebook can’t be so unimportant it doesn’t matter, but important enough he wants to set limits on how our relationship looks on there because he clearly cares what people are going to think.

….right??

I’m still trying to wrap my little brain around this one.

At times like this, it’s important to focus on the positive. Boyfriend and I are incredibly supportive and understanding of each other in general, and I’m confident that at some point we will work our way through this. The challenge for me is doing with with my big girl panties on, and for him it’s going to be acknowledging how he really feels about his relationship to Facebook, which I think he’s still fighting a little bit.

Watching some cars get smashed in the sunshine this weekend might prove to be incredibly cathartic. And maybe I’ll get a good profile picture out of it.

That’s all for now. I have to go check my Facebook and get to work…

Happy Friday!

Posted: May 10, 2013 in Uncategorized

Today is going to be a good day. I can already tell. Mainly because I’m still at home in my yoga pants, sipping coffee, with fresh air coming through an open screen door. It’s a little after 9am, sunny, and already about 70 outside.

Perfect.

I gave my students the day off from class to enjoy the sunshine. It’s supposed to be rainy and back into the 60s next week, so I figured we should take advantage of the opportunity. It was a win-win really…I gained instant popularity points, and I also get the day off to work on my dissertation.

I’m finding teaching to be a challenge this summer…enrollment is down across the college, and it’s a very fine line to try to walk…I NEED all my students to stay enrolled or I don’t get paid, so I feel like I have to take it a little easier on them than I normally would. But ethically, it’s still really important that they learn something, so each class day is a search to find that balance.

Today I just want to focus on the positive. It’s a beautiful day. I’m going to watch the last two episodes of King of the Hill in my Netflix queue and drink some more coffee, and get to work on this dissertation chapter I’m cranking out. Tomorrow the weather is supposed to be 82, and probably warmer in Lewiston where I’m headed with the boyfriend for a demolition derby and a full day of redneck entertainment.

Winning. 🙂

Starting Over

Posted: May 1, 2013 in Uncategorized

I’m back.

Really.

I know I say that a lot…but really.

It’s hard to believe it’s been almost a year since I’ve posted on here. That was unintentional. But sometimes I guess you just need a break from things.

The last year has been….interesting. It has been amazing and devastating. I have both loved and hated many things about it, and it’s time to start catching up on them. In retrospect, my melt-down-disaster year is probably what everyone wanted to read about, but sometimes I think it’s just better to focus on the positive and the lessons than the chaos.

A lot of things are about to change for me. I’m getting ready to move to a completely new city. I have no idea what my life will hold after this time next year. Everything is up in the air and uncertain and that is both wonderful and terrifying. I will fill you in on all of it.

I have a new boyfriend. He is amazing. I will fill you in on that too.

Most importantly, I have learned a lot in the past year about picking up pieces of things you didn’t realize were broken and moving on. In the past year I have cracked and broken and completely melted down…but I also survived and grew and changed for the better. I learned a lot about myself, and the kind of person I want to be.

Priceless.

I Read a Book Today.

Posted: January 12, 2012 in Uncategorized

Okay that’s not entirely true. I read a couple hundred pages of a book that’s over seven hundred pages that I’m going to be slogging through for the rest of the week, and probably part of the weekend.

But nonetheless…I spent the majority of the day locked in my little office, getting my read on.

I also had choir class, which went by pretty fast, and the new people like me even got to leave like 30 minutes early. I was back in my office by 1:45, with a nice can of cold diet Dr. Pepper open on my desk, prepared to finish an exciting afternoon of…reading…

I did get a really sweet email though, from the journal that is publishing my first official academic article, which will be out in a couple of months. It pretty much just said “send us your address so we can send you the publishing contract to sign,” but that was enough to inspire a happy dance.

…now if I could just get a letter like that for my trashy romance novel…

More Adventures in Cooking

Posted: November 30, 2011 in Uncategorized

I’ve been trying to branch out in what I cook, because it’s a lot easier to eat healthy when the food is interesting. On the agenda this week, something I’ve only experimented once before:

Baby Octopus.

These little suckers look intimidating, but they’re actually fairly easy to clean and cook. 3 oz of octopus clock in at about 3 Weight Watchers PointsPlus points, and a baby octopus typically weighs in at a little less than an ounce, so you can eat three or four of them for relatively few calories. The texture is a little chewy, but not as much as full-sized octopus. The store where I usually buy my groceries usually sells these little guys in a pack of 6-8 baby octopus for around $3, making them one of the cheapest seafood products available. Cleaning only takes a few minutes, and they are tiny, so they cook quickly. There’s really no downside to the baby octopus, as long as you don’t mind a few minutes of cleaning and prep work – I wash the octopus individually, then slice off the neck and pop out the little beak at the center of the body (this is in a little sack, and comes out easily). Then I flip the heads inside out, clean the organs from them (sounds gross, but it goes quickly), and slice the head into rings. I cut the legs in halves to make them a little easier to eat.

This time around, I made a simply marinade of 2 tsp olive oil, juice from half a lemon, a splash of white wine, and some garlic salt. I let the octopus, along with some baby shrimp, sit in the marinade for about half an hour in the refrigerator, then drained the liquid (to cut down on calories) and sauteed the octopus and shrimp over medium heat for about 5 minutes. I added marinara sauce, 2 tbsp of Philly Cooking Cream (if you haven’t tried this, DO IT – it’s delicious!) and tossed the mixture with whole wheat thin spaghetti. This made two servings that I estimate at about 6-7 Points Plus points. Not bad! It tasted very rich and was very filling, and all total, worked out to about $4 per serving. I’ll make it again!

My Fingers Hurt…

Posted: November 16, 2011 in Uncategorized

It’s been an odd last few days. Not in a bad way, I’m just still working on getting motivated for all the things I need to get finished. I’ve been on a mission to get my article packaged up and sent off to the publisher before I leave for Thanksgiving break. I may or may not still make that deadline…

I’m in that critical moment where I either need to work like hell and finish my novel for NaNoWriMo, or just call it good, and do something else with my time. Jury is still out on that one.

Finishing prelims has just left me in this weird slump where I can’t seem to get motivated to do anything. I feel like I should be amped up and have lots of energy because now I’m past my biggest hurdle in getting through my PhD program…but mostly I just feel sad, because I have to face the reality now that I really will be moving on with my life soon. Really soon.

One thing I have been excited about it picking up my guitar again…it’s been a while, hence the sore fingers. Guitar is something I haven’t spent as much time practicing as I should have. Every few years  I pull out my guitar, and say the same thing… “I wish I’d just keep playing when I was seventeen…I’d be really good by now.” But since I’m not “good” at it because I haven’t practiced, I just shove it back in the closet.

Picking up my guitar again and actually sticking with it is a pretty big step forward. Adjusting to the idea that I can start now and work toward something is a big step in taking charge of things, and getting out of my own way. I’m considering taking a beginning guitar class in the Spring, and it’s strangely exciting to look through all the great guitar tutorials that are on youtube now…that would have been very useful when I was younger. It’s crazy to me how far the technology has come in the past few years, and how much more is out there within easy reach.

My plan is to start posting some videos of myself singing and playing the guitar on my youtube channel. It’s important for me that I do this, regardless of who sees them, because in the past I’ve always defeated myself before I got started. But I’m afraid of the mean comments, because with youtube, there will always be mean comments. I don’t understand youtube viewers sometimes. Terrible videos get great comments…great videos get terrible comments… I don’t understand what would possess someone to be mean for no reason, but that’s a risk you have to take with the internet.

Starting this blog, and being in a position to be criticized was a big step for me.

I can take another one.

Hello, Motivation?

Posted: November 6, 2011 in Uncategorized

I’ve been very unmotivated the past couple of weeks. I’m torn between feeling like I totally earned a break because I just passed prelims, and like I need to kick things into another gear and get some things checked off my list…because I just finished prelims.

I’ve been trying to finish up an article for…what feels like forever. It keeps snowballing and turning into more work, which makes me less motivated to chip away at it. Instead of going to campus to work on it, I’ve been a lot more interested in staying home and working on my adviser’s research, which I can do in my pajamas, while watching TV. On the upside of things, I finally have that project almost wrapped up, and it’s been haunting me for a long time.

Trying to get motivated to do other stuff isn’t really happening though.

I cleaned my house. In stages. I cleaned the downstairs on Monday. Today I finally got around to the upstairs. Normally it’s a one day process.

I’ve been cooking a lot. And reading things that are not school related.

And watching obscene amounts of Law and Order.

And contemplating the fact that Christmas is coming.

Tomorrow, I’m giddily excited about going to do silly things, like painting ceramics with my Ladypants and heading to Costco with boyfriend. It’s nice to not feel guilty about making time for those things for a change.

And maybe I’ll go to campus on Monday and finish my article.

Maybe.