Welcome to 2012

Posted: January 2, 2012 in healing, weight loss
Tags: ,

Today was the perfect indication of how I imagine 2012 is going to go.

Food. Frustrations. Laughter. Family. Music. Hope.

Today, I had dinner with my family. All of my family – both parents, and my brother.

It was the first time we’ve had a family dinner all together for a major holiday since about 2003. And in 2003, I came down with pneumonia and spent the evening in the emergency room while everyone else was having dinner.

It was nice to have my whole family together, and we had a pleasant afternoon just eating and talking, exchanging presents, reminiscing about happy times. That’s a huge step, because it seems like for the past few years, most of our energies – mine included – have been focused around the negative parts of the past. There were real, legitimate negatives, but it’s important to remember that there were good times too.

We did some other things together this afternoon that were amazing steps in the right direction. We laughed.

I played my guitar and sang a song I wrote about letting go of California, and we cried.

Then we laughed some more.

We enjoyed traditional recipes that my grandma used to make, including an amazing (and easy) macaroni salad and pumpkin pie that I made from scratch. I’ll post the recipes…

I’m exciting going into 2012, because I’m really happy about the foundations I built in 2011 that will make 2012 a better year. I’m happy that I’ve taken steps toward taking charge of some things that are really important to me, like playing guitar and singing. Boyfriend and I have taken some big steps toward strengthening and improving our relationship and I’ve made some really big steps toward rebuilding my relationship with my brother.

And, just so you know, I’ve decided to take charge of something about my body that has bothered me for a really, really really long time. I carry all my extra weight around my stomach, and so do most of the women on my mom’s side of the family. I’ve done a lot of dieting and exercising. I’m not done with those things by any means, but the moment I realized (and a medical professional confirmed) that those things alone wouldn’t remove the extra weight from my stomach was a devastating moment.

So this year, I decided to do something about it. I budgeted, and I planned, and I researched. And I decided to have SmartLipo to remove the extra fat from my stomach. I’ll still be hitting the diet and exercise more this year, because getting into better shape and just feeling better are important goals for me. But I’m going to stop hoping beyond hope that diet and exercise changes are going to make me feel comfortable and confident about my stomach.

I have made some drastic changes in the last few years.

I cut out regular soda, and butter, and regular salad dressing; mayonnaise and full fat sour cream and milk. I got up at 5 in the morning to hit the gym, and sometimes spent up to 4 hours a day there, five days a week. I lost weight, and I’ve kept most of it off. I’m within about 5 pounds of my lowest weight right now, and in general I’m pretty happy with my body.

But not my stomach.

And it’s hard not to lose motivation to work out when it feels like all the hard work you do isn’t touching the one problem area you’re most sensitive about.

Two separate medical opinions confirmed my worst fear: I could reach my goal weight without it significantly reducing the amount of fat on my stomach. Genetically, that’s where my body wants to store it, so that’s where it’s going.

I cried over that revelation.

Then I took charge of it.

And yes, this surgery is expensive, and it has risks, and I’m nervous. I know it will not give me a perfect body or solve all my problems.

But I wish I’d done it sooner.

It’s an investment in me, and a turning point. Not the biggest one or the last one I’ll ever have, but a moment in my life that will make later moments different.

I’m all for that.

And I’ll keep you posted along the way.

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