My Fingers Hurt…

Posted: November 16, 2011 in Uncategorized

It’s been an odd last few days. Not in a bad way, I’m just still working on getting motivated for all the things I need to get finished. I’ve been on a mission to get my article packaged up and sent off to the publisher before I leave for Thanksgiving break. I may or may not still make that deadline…

I’m in that critical moment where I either need to work like hell and finish my novel for NaNoWriMo, or just call it good, and do something else with my time. Jury is still out on that one.

Finishing prelims has just left me in this weird slump where I can’t seem to get motivated to do anything. I feel like I should be amped up and have lots of energy because now I’m past my biggest hurdle in getting through my PhD program…but mostly I just feel sad, because I have to face the reality now that I really will be moving on with my life soon. Really soon.

One thing I have been excited about it picking up my guitar again…it’s been a while, hence the sore fingers. Guitar is something I haven’t spent as much time practicing as I should have. Every few years  I pull out my guitar, and say the same thing… “I wish I’d just keep playing when I was seventeen…I’d be really good by now.” But since I’m not “good” at it because I haven’t practiced, I just shove it back in the closet.

Picking up my guitar again and actually sticking with it is a pretty big step forward. Adjusting to the idea that I can start now and work toward something is a big step in taking charge of things, and getting out of my own way. I’m considering taking a beginning guitar class in the Spring, and it’s strangely exciting to look through all the great guitar tutorials that are on youtube now…that would have been very useful when I was younger. It’s crazy to me how far the technology has come in the past few years, and how much more is out there within easy reach.

My plan is to start posting some videos of myself singing and playing the guitar on my youtube channel. It’s important for me that I do this, regardless of who sees them, because in the past I’ve always defeated myself before I got started. But I’m afraid of the mean comments, because with youtube, there will always be mean comments. I don’t understand youtube viewers sometimes. Terrible videos get great comments…great videos get terrible comments… I don’t understand what would possess someone to be mean for no reason, but that’s a risk you have to take with the internet.

Starting this blog, and being in a position to be criticized was a big step for me.

I can take another one.


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