Getting Over It

Posted: October 23, 2011 in anxiety, healing

This seems like the theme of my life lately. It’s getting a little frustrating. I think it’s easy for people who have never been through a traumatic experience to insist on the importance of “getting over it.” It’s easier said than done.

Sometimes I just need to take baby steps, and remind myself that it’s okay to take the time to assess and experience the changes that I’m making.

So tonight, I’m going to a cookie decorating get together, that’s being hosted by a girl I don’t really know…or necessarily have the best impression of. She has a big personality. One that can border on being aggressive. I have a hard time dealing with people like that, because I’m so sensitive, and get my feelings hurt so easily. That’s not necessarily a good thing. And it is true that in the past, I’ve been guilty of judging people before really getting to know then as a defensive gesture – I decide I don’t like them so I won’t get my feelings hurt when they decide they don’t like me.

I don’t advocate that anyone intentionally try that plan. It’s a pretty miserable place to be.

For a long time, I didn’t understand the adjustments I needed to make to change this. Now, I’m working on it in baby steps. When I got the invite to go to this party, I definitely hesitated.

Why would she invite me??

I consulted my bff, who has been with me on this journey to getting healthy since practically the beginning. In many ways, she’s really my first close friend that I’ve been able to trust with giving me an honest opinion, and setting healthy boundaries on what a friendship should be.  She’s also friends with the hostess…something we’ve talked about on numerous occasions, when I’ve expressed my aversion.

“She said she wants to get to know you better,” bff informed me.

In the past, I would have shrugged that off. I don’t know if I want to get to know this person better. I’m pretty sure we aren’t going to end up being…well, bff’s.

But I think there’s a lot to be said for being willing to engage with people, even if they aren’t going to be your bff’s. It’s a sign of maturity that I have not really been aware of for the last couple of decades. It’s probably true that my expectations of my friends have been at times too low, and others too high. I never had a good sense of what a healthy balance was in my relationships.

That will not be an overnight discovery, or a one-time learning  experience. But taking the first step, and getting outside of my comfort zone in this little way, will be a good place to start.

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