Blah Day

Posted: April 19, 2011 in Uncategorized

Everyone has them. I don’t know what brought on today’s, but I’ll be glad when it’s over. I don’t like days where I feel like I don’t have any energy to get anything done, and today has definitely been one of them. I didn’t even make it out of bed this morning to go to campus at 8:00 with boyfriend like I normally do…even though I had a paper due that I really should have been working on. I finally crawled out of bed at about 9:00 and read online articles about gardening instead of working on my paper until about 11:00. By the time boyfriend arrived at home to pick me up at noon, I somehow had the paper mostly in order and was ready to go…but I really didn’t feel like it. I dragged myself to campus, made some final corrections to my paper, and got it turned in before class. By the time class was over I was ready to go home and crawl back into bed. Now I’m sitting at home instead of going to my yoga class…which I don’t feel too bad about because my stomach has been hurting for most of the day. No idea why. I’ll be glad to just crawl into bed tonight and start over fresh tomorrow.

I can’t wait for this semester to be over. At the same time, the idea o f how much work I have to do this summer is really overwhelming, and I’m not really feeling ready to get started on it. The entire time I’ve been in grad school, the idea of prelims has been a hazy thing always looming in the future. Now they’re just around the corner, and I’m suddenly terrified. I haven’t had much time to study, and since I’ve just switched advisers, the whole plan for how I study has shifted. On the one hand, I’ve seen enough other people take these exams and flub their way through them to know that this is how most people feel just before they take them. A few weeks of intensive study and I should be fine, but I’m still daunted by the prospects.

Sometimes I think I still just haven’t accepted the idea of growing up and settling in to a full time job. The thing is, I’ve never really wanted to do anything as much as I’ve wanted to sing. That’s not an excuse…not everyone can do that as a full time occupation. I guess there are some ways that I just feel like I was cheated out of the opportunity to relax and be a kid, so some part of me is still trying to make up for it now by going a little overboard taking care of myself. At some point I’m going to have to snap out of this. Ironically, the band is working for me and against me in this. It’s harder to focus on things like papers and classes right now because a big part of my head is just so excited by all this band stuff that I catch myself daydreaming…all I want to do is focus on the band. At the same time, the band is the thing that will motivate me to do whatever I have to do to ensure I can continue to work on the band.

In the meantime, I’m going to finish watching my episode of Ax Men, eat some of the slow-cooker beef stew I’ve been fantasizing about all day, and look up more lyrics that I need to learn for the band. That’s what it all comes down to…I wish I had band practice today…

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