Life As I Know It

Posted: November 16, 2010 in Uncategorized

I’m still trying to get back into a normal routine since getting back from my grandma’s funeral. Staring down the road to some major life decisions is exciting and scary at the same time. In the two weeks since my grandma’s funeral, lots of things have happened. My boyfriend returned from North Dakota with a lot of job leads, and there is a very real chance that he’ll be moving soon. That pretty much means that I’ll be staying in school for at least the next semester, and through the end of our lease, and then moving to North Dakota to join him. I’d have the option of finishing school through a continuous enrollment option, so essentially I’d come back to finish my examinations and dissertation, but work part time in North Dakota in the meantime instead of being a teaching assistant. If it works out, it sounds like an attractive option. I’m sick of school on the one hand, and I don’t really enjoy what I do right now. I’m drowning in an ocean of student loan debt and it only gets worse every semester because I can’t afford to stay in school without taking out more loans. I’m tired of not being able to stop the situation from getting worse.

I’m not sure what a part time job will feel like. It feels like it’s been a long time since I’ve had a job that wasn’t school. It might be a nice change. Last year, I used some of my student loan money to finish paying off my truck. Having that payment off my shoulders was supposed to free up more money for paying off other things. I did get most of my medical bills paid off, minus one therapist. It’s hard to be responsible financially when my role models never were…I grew up being told there was no money for most things, but there was always money for tractors. There are literally hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of rusting metal filling up yards in two states, but there wasn’t money to buy my mom a decent used car with a working heater and gas gauge. My mom ran up credit card debt right and left to make herself feel better, and most of the things she bought just added to the clutter in our house. When I got to college and was handed a bunch of student loan money, I didn’t know what to do with myself. Almost 100% of it went to tuition, school books, and rent, but there’s no doubt in my mind that I probably should have been more responsible. Once I got out of school and faced the mountain of debt, and realized how difficult it was going to be to dig myself out of that hole, it made me less resistant to the idea of tacking on a few more loans to pay for grad school. It’s getting to a point where I can’t stand not doing anything about it anymore. And I can’t do anything about it while I’m still in school full time.

On the other hand, I’ve worked hard building connections where I am. This is the first time ever that I’ve truly had a close circle of friends that I can rely on for support. I have a good friend down the street and another one just a minute away. I have an audition for a new band this Saturday (more on this soon) and I like a lot of things about the area. But sometimes you have to change things up. Sasha Cohen once said “If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.” She went on to win an Olympic silver medal in figure skating. So maybe it’s time to do something different. Part of that is getting back to being in a band and using music as an outlet for my creativity. But maybe another part of that is facing the real world outside of school and knowing that it’s going to be okay.


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